February - Through the cold, finding connexion
About how I still love internet despite how it evolves
Rich people ruin everything.
Except themselves, mind you. Actively destroying our environment and our economy isn’t enough for them, so now, they’re ruining something I love deerly and use as escapism since I had started to use a computer, back in the 00’s: internet.
When I was younger, I swore to myself I wouldn’t be this adult saying lame things like “back in my day it was better” and yet, here I am, writing this. Sigh. Trust billionaires to make someone out of you you wished you wouldn’t be.
Okay it’s not that bad. Internet is still amazing in my opinion, but you need to put on so much more of an effort to make sure it stays enjoyable. 20 years ago, internet was weird and messy, but it was fun. I never felt as much as freedom as when I started using it. I remember I found a french website named “Tromal”1 when I was like 13 on which anonymous people wrote poetry about their sorrow and unrequited love illustrated by cheap animated gif with gothic bimbos harboring titles in cursives full of glitters2. I wrote a great deal of dark poetry on it myself and had a lot of fun doing so. It was cringe, but who cared? No one knew who I was there and that’s what was so freeing. I had the liberty to express everything. And so did I. I explored my mental health on weird websites and then on blogs as much as I explored my sexuality on Fanfiction.net and then AO3. I made friends on Skyblog. And I used to wait five full minutes to see one picture on my screen.
Hm. You know what? Maybe internet wasn’t entirely better back then. I remember how slow it was. How you could have annoying popups with porn filling your screen if you clicked on the wrong links (bless Ublock, what would we do without you, now?) We didn’t have Youtube, or Discord, or easy ways to chat with friends. God, when all of this started we didn’t even have Wikipedia. We were basically cavepeople hanging virtually in a brand new place with woodsticks and stones and we threw them at eachother while giggling like the stupid living beings we were. But then, some people started to create tools. VLC arrived and is still better than most official video enablers. Youtube came up. Forums. Blog. RSS. Us humans are amazing in this way that, on contrary to what rich people believe, we will create as much as we can because that’s what we love to do. Making things for the community. Sharing. Even if there’s absolutely no garanty to make money. That’s how the best of the internet emerged.
Today, my life is way better thanks to people who created and sustained tools, websites and tutorials since the begining of the internet. Internet gave many of us access to things we wouldn’t have dream of before. It gave us a voice, as well. And for all of this, I’m grateful.
Billionaires, in their thirst to make as much money of the internet as they can actively ruin this experience in so many ways.3 So my goal today is to apply my everyday philosophy to my virtual experience philosophy: push away billionaires out of my life as much as humanly possible4. They’re heavy, they’re loud, they’re annoying and they take too much place (of course they do). There is no avoiding them, only fighting them, and if I do it on a regular basis as an angry syndicated woman, I also want to enjoy my free time with as less of them as possible. I supported Ublock in their fight against Google when they tried to force advertising down our throat on Youtube, and Ublock won. No advertising on my videos, thank you very much. In the mean time? I opened a Peertube account. I’m utterly convinced that at some point, the only social medias worth going to will be the ones that aren’t owned by entitled rich people. That’s why I’m on Mastodon, as silly as it seems. It’s strangely quiet here, and for now I use this place as an archive. All big places can fall, I know I’ll still have Mastodon, AO3 and Peertube.
That way, it’s easier to leave places growing toxic from gross mismanagment from those spoiled child that dictate our everyday lives. That’s how I left Twitter. I refuse to depend on people with no sense of morality whatsoever and let them do whatever they want with my attention, my personal informations and my social life. I want billionaires to know that the moment they’re pushing their technofascim bullshits on me, I’ll be gone. That despite everything happening, the thing I will protect at all cost in my internet experience is my freedom. I will not “obey in advance”. After all, resistance is like a muscle: you need to train yourself to make sure it’s a thing easier to do each day.
February is coming to an end. It’s cold and as I write this, my hands are freezing. I don’t have enough money to afford heat in my appartment above 16°C. I’m a giant pile of fluff enwrapted in layers of sweatshirts and blanckets and it makes me laugh. I wouldn’t say no to a bit of more heat, and it kind of piss me off that some people are so rich that they can afford multiple houses and boats while I’m on a budget for the damn heat in my home, but eh, it’s alright. I chose to spend my money on quality organic food instead and some nice furnitures in my living room, so I don’t complain. I’m happy. I know there’s a lot of shitty things on the internet happening right now, but this isn’t my experience, and part of the reason is because I fight everyday to protect my peace and joy as much as I can. Yesterday I was laughing to the verge of tears because I was chatting with fellow fanartists I create a RadioRoller zine with, that I met on Bluesky. I opened little online shops to sell my silly merch and drawings and some people are buying them and it fills me with so much more joy and pride than my salary. In May, I will retreat in the north of France to write with a bunch of friends I met 10 years ago when I was running a blog about feminism and social justice. In September, I’ll be attending a con named Inferno Fest centered on the Hellaverse. All of this exist thanks to internet and the amazing people who decided community and creativity were the most important thing. Well… Mostly. Not sure the websites on which I sell my merchs aren’t here just to make profit for greedy white old farts, but hey, I’m not aiming at perfect.
I’m aiming at human.
What’s new in my artistic world?
I started to befriend some wonderful people in the Hazbin fandom and I decided this year I wouldn’t take any commissions. The extended freetime coupled with the enthusiasm of sharing my passion with fellow fan creators gave me a motivational boost, which made me draw more this month than the entirety of 2025.
The creations I can show you this month
💖🌺 Doodles of Alastor in his hot Valentine outfit
🖥️💦 [NSFW/R18] Doodle of Alastor doing nasty things to Vox’s head in his hot Valentine outfit.
👠🔪 Drawing of Alastor in knife heels.
What’s cooking?
🍎 Deerly Beloved & Sinfully Beloved
A RadioApple Zine about Alastor and Lucifer getting married. I had the pleasure and honor to make the cover for the NSFW part. This Zine is done and so are the preorders. BUT, be ready, in March 21th, there will be some leftovers sales for the people who didn’t had a chance to buy this beautiful baby.
🦌 Alastor Anthology
A Zine about Alastor in all his glory and complexity. The preorders are closed and we are currently working on the production. I did my best with De Bergerac to create the best layout ever and we received the test print last week! It’s beautiful, I’m super proud. Some leftovers sales will happen soon, so stay tuned. Also De Bergerac will sale some at Dokomi, wink wink. Honestly, I love this fanbook. You have no idea how many talented people are in it (but you can take a look).
🛼 RadioRoller Zine
I got accepted in the parody Zine radioroller after I threatened begged the mods to pick me up. Listen, it was meant to be. A zine in which we ship Alastor with a chair, when I litteraly threaten I would do that two years ago? Please. It’s destiny.
We’re currently working hard to create the content you didn’t know you need. The preorder are scheduled for June 14th.
🔥 Inferno Fest (September 26th & 27th - Glasgow, UK)
It’s confirmed, I’ll have a booth at the Inferno Fest! I’m so excited. If all goes according to plan I’ll be next to De Bergerac, Trashy, Hell.Fm and Shux. And we will be in a litteral palace! God, September won’t happen soon enough.
🍑 Y/Con (November - Paris, France)
I attend this con every year since 2023 with my Essaim crew and I do hope we’ll be there this year as well, though I can’t promise anything. The application will open in April and I suppose we will receive an answer in May. Cross your fingers for us.
Support me
If you want to help me heat my house to the crazy ammount of 17°C, you can either throw money at me if you have too much (lol) via my little shops OR you can share my work because algorithm is not very friendly if you ask me (tsk).
Share and like my work on social medias
Carrd - Tumblr - Bluesky🔞 - Instagram - Mastodon🔞 - AO3 🔞
Throw money at me and receives my art and gratitude from the bottow of my stomach in exchange
🛒 ACGGood
👛 BigCartel
Thank you for reading,
Lila.
You could translate by “Sosufuring”, yes with the typo.
It was of poor taste but it was still better than AI.
I could make a list of all the shitty things they’re doing but hey, I’m giving them too much of my attention already.
It’s no easy task let me tell you, but if you’re determined you can often find tools and alternatives. Ecosia or DuckduckGo instead of Google, Firefox instead of Chrome, Pendora instead of Spotify, Stoat instead of Discord, Freedom to protect yourself against doomscrolling, A good VPN and Streamio to watch anything for free instead of paying way too much subscriptions, any real or virtual little shops instead of Amazon and AliExpress (and all the awful big fast online shops), Framasofts instead of a lot of google tools. Protonmail instead of Gmail. Consent-O-Matic to manage your cookies options more easily and so on. None of those alternative are perfect. But let’s not forget ethical consuming isn’t possible under an unethical system like capitalism. That doesn’t mean we can’t try though, and abandon a tool for another when it’s becoming too predatory, too unethical or too invasive. And if you can’t abandon it, you always can find other tools to protect you from the worst aspects of it.